Bigotry and hate are harmful and negative attitudes and behaviors directed towards individuals or groups based on their perceived differences, such as race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or other characteristics.
How do you handle it when someone says something bigoted? Like, “I can’t believe they hired that woman as the CEO.” You don’t respond, saying, “Well now, let’s keep the peace.” That’s not what you do.
Peace Building
Part of being a peacebuilder is knowing what peace is.
Peace is a world where bigotry is not accepted, where misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia are not accepted.
Peace is not about complying with the opinions of the privileged.
Bigotry does not hurt the privileged unless other privileged people make it hurt.
White people do not suffer from racism.
Straight people do not suffer from homophobia.
Cis people do not suffer from transphobia.
Men do not suffer from misogyny.
We need to make them suffer for it. They will never change their minds as long as it benefits them.
Don’t Break Bread With Bigots
If someone is going to say or do or even support misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, or racism, then call that out and remove yourself from either the situation or even the relationship.
You cannot tell someone you love them and then vote for someone who will hurt them.
So, if you’re white, you can sit back and listen to racist old Pappy Joe talk about how the South will rise again. And hang out with those guys who fly Confederate flags and those women who walk a little faster when there’s a black man near them.
You could stay quiet. You would save yourself the trouble of the argument. But that is a privilege. And you should refuse to exercise it. That is how you stop bigotry and hatred in its tracks.
Make It Uncomfortable
White racists will not listen to the voices of BIPOC. They’re only going to listen to other white people. They will only hear you if it hurts for them to continue being bigots.
The way we make it hurt is to make them uncomfortable, deprive them of relationships, and have the arguments we have to bring to them.
For example, that friend from high school you never unfriended is always posting about Jews having space lasers and running the world. Or they post about how Warren Buffett is to blame for everything going wrong in this country.
You need to bring it to that person. You must let them know they will lose their relationships with white people if they continue.
It’s not safe for BIPOC to do that. They’re getting shot over it. They’re getting killed over it. They’re getting incarcerated over it. They’re getting thrown out of legislatures that they got voted into.
It’s Up To White People
It’s up to white people to bring it to white people.
As a white person, you must be a human shield for our BIPOC brothers and sisters because the white community is muting their voices.
You cannot just be not racist. You can’t just say, “I’m not racist.” You have to be actively anti-racist. And that means bringing it to the dinner table.
That means bringing it to the family reunion.
That means unfriending that bigot on Facebook.
That means arguing with the guy harassing the black woman in the store.
Bigotry does not hurt the privileged unless we make it hurt. We need to make it hurt.
You cannot reason with hate. You have to make it so uncomfortable that they give it up.
We need to make them feel ashamed of their hate. We need to make them feel humiliated by their hate.
Because if logic could prevail, it would’ve prevailed already.
Cutting People Out
I am all in favor of cutting out people who refuse to support you for being who you are or to stop bringing their hatred and their bigotry to you.
I am all in favor of punitively removing yourself from relationships with people who support politicians who would want to hurt you or any marginalized community who support organizations that want to hurt marginalized communities, including churches.
I am all for punitively removing yourself from these relationships to make it hurt. We are not going to make any changes any other way other than marching into the ballot box.
This is the most powerful move we can make as white people, as people in general.
I know that bigotry is not just a white issue. There’s bigotry all over the place.
There’s homophobia and transphobia all over the place. Punitively, remove yourself from those relationships.
We’ve got to make bigotry shameful. We’ve got to make it hurt.